“The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything.”
I was learning how to use emacs when I saw the quote above. I consider myself both, an intelligent and sensible man.
Expending much thought on what I really am, I believe that I adapt to most situations I am in, I adapt so well and have learned not to complain that much, blame my religous upbringing.
I have always found most things phony in the Holden Caulfied way. I’ve always been two people co existing, I’ve always been sarcasitic, I’ve always found things are both less and more than they seem.
I’ve been tamed early on, but I am slowly finding that part of me that is suppressed, I am slowly finding that part of ourselves we are encouraged to bury within for the sake of fitting in, of being normal.
Normalcy has never been my strong suite and I am slowly breaking free. How am I breaking free?
I’ve learned to speak my peace. You may get mad at what I am Going to say, but when I say anything it is because I wanted to say it, It is because I wanted to feel better about me. Its not about who you are or my opinion of you, those things are beside the point, what’s important to me is my sanity, my peace and ultimately my happiness.
I’ve learned to let other speak their PEACE. I probably do not matter to you. You do not care what I feel, If yourn words hurt me its my problem. You are only trying to make yourself happy and If I knew better I wouldn’t care whatever you say. We are all basically trying to find ourselves and we shouldn’t get in each other’s way in the form of politeness, political correctness, and sensitivity. Don’t get me wrong I try to be polite and sensitive towards other people, its just that I do not expect them to be polite towards me!
The way I see it is , I have the following options:
- Find my self no matter what, no matter who I hurt, no matter how evil I may seem.
- To decide that impoliteness and hurting people is something I am not prepared to do, something I will not do and try to find myself within those constraints.
- To try to not hurt anyone but to primarily care for finding myself.
I don’t care if you judge me but I choose 3. I will try not to hurt other people but this simply means I am sorry if had to hurt you to grow but no one is stopping me from finding out who I am!
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