- Be brief. Julie de Azevedo Hanks, a Utah psychotherapist, likes to remind herself that “No is a complete sentence.” You are not obligated to explain at length to a friend or stranger why you’d prefer not to do something. (A boss may require more rationale, but a succinct answer is still best.)
- Be gracious in declining an invitation. Dr. Hanks, author of “The Assertiveness Guide for Women,” said that if she is asked to return as a speaker at a conference for a second year and she doesn’t want to go, she may say, “I’m glad it went well last year, but this year is no good.”
- Use “I” phrases. If a co-worker expects prompt answers to their Saturday night missives, inform them on Friday: “I need uninterrupted downtime this weekend so I’m not checking mail until Monday.” By contrast, “you” phrases sound accusatory and tend to backfire, as any spouse knows.
- Stall. If you’re indecisive or need a moment to consider a request, use a delay tactic, Dr. Paterson advises. Say: “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” No more knee-jerk ‘Yes”s.
- Prepare responses. For repeat askers in your life, decide beforehand what requests are unreasonable and then formulate a “pleasant but firm” answer, Dr. Paterson said. For instance, if your mother wants you to paint her bathroom this weekend, you may decide you’re not willing to do it, even though you’ve long been her go-to painter. One way to go: “I don’t have time in my schedule to tackle this anytime soon, but I’m happy to send you a few names of reliable painters.”
- Act it out. It might seem silly, but rehearsing certain scenarios in front of the mirror or role playing with a trusted friend can help. Practice sounding relaxed, even if you aren’t.
Source: How to Stand Up for Yourself – A year of living better Guides – The New York Times