Tag: Online Writing

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Favorite Films of This Decade 2000-2009

I haven’t seen but would love to see:

  • Amorres Perros
  • Mulholland Dr. (Come on david lynch)
  • Anything Lar’s Von Trier (Haven’t seen anything from this director)
  • Jonah Hill‘s recent movies
  • Up in the Air
  • The Hurt Locker
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Requiem For A Dream
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In So Much…

Pain.
Damn, sure hope Proust was right when he said that the time when he was in so much pain was the happiest time of his life is true.
I’m not making sense. Part of me want to think that there is a rainbow hiding somewhere in this fucking blizzard I am in right now.
Fuck Fuck Fuck. But part the dominant part of me just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. All I see is the darkness I am in.
Good thing nobody reads this blog so I don’t have to censure my words. (Sorry to my 4 readers  read no further if you do not want to peak inside the mind of a fucked up bipolar guy going through one of his fucked up mood swings in the shit depressed mode that seems to just hit you when you are least ready to deal with it.)
As I said in my fate is… short story post (that I am in no mood/temperament to continue (I hope this ends soon because I soo want to make that into a passable story to add to my lit folio) I got rejected by a girl last monday and because I was lucky enough to have scheduled a Monster‘s Vs Aliens Imax 3D viewing with some of the member’s of (I think it was la’s brainchild) the SAWI partylist (Yep we are that lame).  I’d have to say the company of friends really helped me a lot in burying the pain, come tuesday and wednesday and me and my officemates were really into trying to beat each other in billiards , plus lots of work to finish before the long weekend helped me forget her temporarily. Damn fuck I keep telling myslef if she doesn’t want you then go find someone who would except knowing something is so fucking different from actually being able to do the damn thing.
FUUUUUCK.
I went home wednesday, and seeing my granny after 2 years was really a treat, that helped me during the long weekend. The thing is the weekend is over and surprise surprise I see her today just before I go to work.  I confess that I tried not to looka at her but the fact Is I stole a few glances, and I have to say that during times like this being especially in tune with your emotions and the way your mind works really make it Oh so very hard to delude yourself.
I think I’ve written about this before, but i know I’ve definitely talked about this with really close friends.
When you ask me if I care for someone I’d just have to look at him/her and know, this I cannot hide from myself. If I care for you, you are beautiful to me, If I Love you, to my eyes you are the most beautiful woman.
(I’m writing this after a day of learning how to do a few stuff, reading Nick And Norah’s Infinite Playlist and doing some things I’d rather not talk about).
I’m still grieving , It is still painful, but at least It seems that in trying to forget, to bury I’ve been reading alot faster, learning more, and all in all thinking too clearly. It is as if I was taking aderall (I’m imagining how it would affect me). I feel like Bruce Wayne, retreating to hyperrationality, retreating from emotion. See I can think of what i am feeling, I can even reason out quite well, why this is all in all a good enough outcome. I can even imagine alot of the reasons and the 3rd , 4th, 5th step that makes this a net win for me, Except it does me no good, it still hurts, it still feels like I’m in the verge of tears at any moment. Like this world is an empty , empt place.
I can’t even summon any small grain of something to get mad about. Damn, I just care too much , can’t seem to cross the small line that separates love and hate.
This too shall pass, just hope I like the person that I become after this ordeal.

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What's Playing: All You Need Is Love by The Beatles

.not everything is black and white. there's a ...
Image by just.K via Flickr

All You Need Is Love
Performed by The Beatles
Composed by Lennon/McCartney
From The Blue Album
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It’s easy.
There’s nothing you can make that can’t be made.
No one you can save that can’t be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time – It’s easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known.
Nothing you can see that isn’t shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.
It’s easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
All you need is love (all together now)
All you need is love (everybody)
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
I’m writing this at the bottom on the unlikely possibility that someone other than me and a handful of my closest friends and cobloggers are reading this. Let’s call this sharing.
Let’s just say that I am a very sensitive person,I ‘ve been given insane amounts of empathy and symphat, I feel that if as chuck told me about mirror neurons (read more here) , I have an overabundance of mirror neurons. This has led me into ways of thinking and actuations that in a sense are extremely weird when viewed in the outside but in some ways still rational at least to me.
I’d like to make this along post but I’ll keep it short. I’d like to believe that all you need is love , I’d like to believe this so much. The thing is Loving hurts , it hurts a lot, it opens you up, (I have a lot to do I’m writing a post on vulnerability later I’ll call it vulnerable , all you need is love part 2)

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What's Playing:Great Romantic

Cover of "Tunde"
Cover of Tunde

The youtube video of this song cannot be view in the Philippines damn youtube.
Great Romantic – Tunde
Hey, so you threw your heart right in
And it turned out less than perfect
A losing streak is starting in your mind
You let yourself believe the pain
Is never gonna be worth it
Don’t beat yourself up
Know that you were never wrong for wishful thinking
So you done lost the battle
Should we just cross out your name and let you sink
You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down
So, you had to let it go
It clearly wasn’t working
A new love leaves you trembling
You hide behind the door
So unsure of what you used to know
So now you think you’re every move ten steps ahead
And you are frozen
Caught inside yourself
You’re drowning as the anger overflows
You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down
You got me feeling like the last surviving
Great romantic
But stop dreaming and the world stops spinning around
You feel foolish cause love never turns out
Like you planned it
But stop believing and the world starts letting you down
So…
via Tunde – Great Romantic LYRICS.
UPDATE: Forgot to say that I learned about this song at a friend blog post.

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What's Been Playing::I'm Not In Love – by 10CC ()

10cc.
Image via Wikipedia

My current lss the Queen Latifah cover from
the Cool Sexy Jazz 2 release.
Suffice to say I’m relating too much to the lyrics. hehe.

I’m Not in Love
( 10 CC )
I’m not in love, so don’t forget it.
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through.
And just because I call you up,
Don’t get me wrong, don’t think you’ve got it made.
I’m not in love, no no, it’s because…
I like to see you, but then again,
That doesn’t mean you mean that much to me.
So if I call you, don’t make a fuss –
Don’t tell your friends about the two of us.
I’m not in love, no no, it’s because…
I keep your picture upon the wall.
It hides a nasty stain that’s lying there.
So don’t you ask me to give it back.
I know you know it doesn’t mean that much to me.
I’m not in love, no no, it’s because…
Ooh, you’ll wait a long time for me.
Ooh, you’ll wait a long time.
I’m not in love, I’m not in love…
via I’m Not In Love – 10CC.

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