Let’s just say I am not the ost forgiving person in the planet. I remember slights as far back as the second grade, but I remember because I believe I have something that could be called emotional memory. I tend to remember events, facts etc related to intense emotions that I feel. This means both extremes, happiness and sadness makes a mark on me that is hard to erase and so easy to recall and even easier to reinforce.
Forgiveness I think is a function of acceptance. Read the story accompanying the excerpted news. it’s quite good.
The story clearly illustrates our own problems with guilt and forgiveness. When we were children, we would often overhear our mother saying: ‘My child only behaved foolishly because he got into bad company. He’s a very good boy really.’
And so we never took responsibility for our actions, never asked for forgiveness and ended up forgetting that we must also be generous with those who offend us. The act of forgiveness has nothing to do with feelings of guilt or cowardice: we all make mistakes and it is only by occasionally stumbling that we can improve and progress. On the other hand, if we are too tolerant of our own behaviour – especially when this hurts other people – we become isolated and incapable of correcting our path.
AS for my views.; There is a certain rhythm to interacting with people. There is a certain rhythm in being friends with people. Honestly I had to learn that whole thing in college. Compare the highschool me and the me now, I was socially inept and something of jerk. Now I’m still a jerk, less socially inept , but this is mainly because I learned the types of people that I can interact well with.
And that is I think the thing, Because I am less scared with social interactions now I tend to meet more people now than I used to. I have to credit the understanding that people tend to be good. This knowledge help me to be less afraid of going to situations where interactions were totally not in my control.
How did I gradually become less socially inept?
-Striking up conversations with random people. Helped overcome this fear of talking with people. For me this is easier because I can make myself believe that even if I say something stupid, we are not going to see each other again.
-Striking up conversations with people not really part of your circle of friends but you see relatively often. After having a feel for small talk try talking with people you normally encounter, this may include the office security, custodians, or office mates from different departments.
-Going to clubs(not night clubs, hobby clubs etc)/meetups/organization. This might mean volunteering for something, or doing something together like hobbyist events. You get to meet like minded people, and chances are good that you have at least one topic of common interest!
-Reconnecting with peole form the past. This may mean a simple poke in facebook, or a private message in one of the tens of hundreds of social networks now existing. From personal experience this is best done when combined with actual face to face time. Like if you saw someone at a mall or a grocery but you can’t talk for some reason, or its his/her birthday. From the experience of a friend you may freak out some people if you suggest meeting up to catch up on old times, so this I believe is best done when there is an excuse, like homecoming etc.
-Face to Face meetups are important to personalise increasingly mobile/online connections. This must be done with care because as I stated earlier you may freak out some people. If you are meeting people you used to know well but has since lost touch with; best if you leave you old impressions of him or her ot turn your filter down a little. Remember that change is constant and some people reinvent themselves constantly. If you are meeting someone for the first time my advice would be leave your prejudice or what I call isms at home. Don’t judge people automatically or if you can’t do that at least try to act friendly towards everyone, Its easy to cutoff connections with people Its hard to create connections so don’t let superficial things get in the way of a possible real (not just online) friendship.
hope the few notes help my imaginary reader! have any more advice for people who are socially inept???
They find that each extra close friend in high school is associated with earnings that are 2 percent higher later in life after controlling for other factors. While not a huge effect, it does suggest that either that a) the same factors that make you popular in high school help you in a job setting, or b) that high-school friends can do you favors later in life that will earn you higher wages.