College Kids All Racist In Their Own Special Ways
By Hamilton Nolan, 12:12 PM on Wed Jul 8 2009, 30,144 views (Edit, to draft, un-top, Slurp)
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College: where drunk kids are guinea pigs for social science. The funnest college-kid studies involve race, because they make everyone uncomfortable! Now comes a new study of interracial college roommates that proves we’re all terrible. A racial breakdown:
If You Are White:
* Your black roommate makes you uncomfortable.
* You make your black roommate uncomfortable.
* You are far more likely to “break up” with your roommate if they’re not white.
* You will not be affected academically by your roommate’s race, because you care only about your own kind.
If You Are Black:
* You will do better academically if you have a white roommate, maybe in an effort to overcome your inferiority complex.
* Or maybe because you just don’t like them and can get some work done.
* If you have a white roommate, your own “positive emotions” will decline.
If You Are Asian:
If You Are of a Race Other Than These:
* You are not as interesting to social scientists.
Jerks, every last one of us!